It's 2017...So It's Been Like 5 Years

So hello world…or more precisely the 10 or so people who actually read this in 2012!

Life has been incredibly FULL and Fb & Insta apparently filled the void of "having a voice" these past few years. But lately, that same feeling…so eloquently put by Amy Adams on screen, "I have thoughts!" keeps creeping it's way to the front of the line in my head. They are nothing that would blow your mind or create an ah-ha moment, but they're mine. For those of you ever pulled in multiple directions, find yourself constantly deferring, and watching time race by as if it it didn't realize you wanted to play a role in it, you find anything that is YOURS…you claim it! The irony of owning your thoughts forces one to ask the following questions:
Would people still like me if they knew my thoughts…not sure.
Does every thought I have need to be spoken or shared…don't think so & scripture has plenty to say on that matter.
There is something, however, especially with women, that feeling of wanting to belong or have someone else say,  "Me too!" So in an effort to NOT overwhelm the web, I will refrain from hurling it all out there and just attempt to address them more regularly. Oh wait…is that a New Year's Resolution? That will not work! So I will say I "hope" to "possibly" blog my thoughts more often and be pleasantly surprised if I do…just keeping it real!
So starting with the New Year…2017. How in the world did we get here? I've seen all sorts of celebratory posts & photos (which are beautiful & do not begrudge one bit) But I just couldn't bring myself to post one myself and that bothered me…cuz who doesn't love a good post I mean really!?! There has just been this heaviness about the approaching, now here year. Braden is a Senior…all good! Finished our 10 year project truck…thank you Jesus! Ethan started driving…will be good! Olivia's surgery was a success…hallelujah! Dan has a great job, kids healthy, have a roof over our heads, surrounded by family…I could go on & on! This heaviness though is nothing new…it's come before. Arriving before different events in our lives that have either directly or indirectly affected us. The planner in me wants to know who, what, when, where & why, but I have learned that I am not privy to that knowledge ever.  I get to watch and pray and years later say, "Oh Lord, I see now…" Jeremiah 29:11 has been a life verse and it has been lived out over and over in our lives. I know that whatever 2017 holds will have first gone through My Father's filter and that He will be with us through every step of the way…the truth is (here's the thought) I'm weary!
I have been a cheerleader it seems all my life…can't get away from it! First I was one that wore a skirt & cheered literally and now I just pull out my pom poms figuratively! I used to be pessimistic and somewhere along the lines I became the optimist…always looking for the good, the bright side, the reason, or the way the Lord will use this. How does that relate? I found that recently I keep looking around for my cheerleader…sounds silly I know. Even as I wrote this, the Lord reminded me that He is mine! I went to look for a verse on my phone and there He cheered me on with Isaiah 43:19 "Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will EVEN make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Jesus loves me…thoughts and all! #handsonhipssmilesonlips

Fall, Fall...Where for art thou?

So California dreamin' is great for all seasons but one...Fall! You receive in the mail catalogs full of clothing that is meant for layering. Starbucks is pushing all things Pumpkin...and seriously who drinks an iced Pumpkin Spice Latte? Stores are beginning to display Christmas (which makes me despise retail because my life is currently functioning in a "day to day" mode) And here we sweat, I mean sit, in our homes pumping the AC so we can bake and enjoy a hot beverage:) We are blessed with the weather our state is known for, but it was due here last June! My uneducated theory is that the seasons have all shifted up...Winter is our Fall, Spring is our Winter, Summer is our Spring, & Fall, yes Fall is our current Summer! I long for crisp mornings, scarves, red & orange leaves, hot coffee, AND kitchens smelling of soups, breads, cobblers & anything else you find on Pinterest these days! So in longing for the Fall I see in every movie based in New York, I found some pictures that remind me of Autumn fun that we create here in Cali...Pumpkin Patches in tanks & shorts, sunsets camping in Carpinteria, family fun at Thanksgiving dinners & kids dressing up to pass out candy...Cat Woman & Gangsta Boyz...Happy Fall Y'all!!!

"I've been to the mountaintop..."

So here's one of those posts that's in the "ugly" category...but this is the real stuff, ya know!?! "I've been to the mountaintop. I've seen the glory of my God" as the song goes. BUT I am here... in the valley with my children. And to put it plainly, it just hurts, enough to bring tears (finally had to let it out) And not because "Woe is me, parenting is hard."But because I've had glimpses of the "mountaintop" & it is glorious. I actually like my children. I see that my God has amazing things in store for them. We actually have fun together & I see parts of myself and their father in them (which is scary & hilarious at the same time. So why do I have this ache in my very being? I see a strong foundation, but that's it. I see time running out on our sphere of influence...especially with my oldest. Why is it that so many things in my life are "running smooth" or "in order" except what should be my greatest accomplishment...my kids? Don't know if I really want an answer...I know that "His promises are Yes & Amen". I know that "His grace is sufficient for me". I know that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me". I know that He is with me THROUGH the valley. I know that "He sees every tear that falls". I know I want to walk in the Spirit & "lift with my legs" for the rest of the time I have with them...I just want them to love the mountaintop as much as I do!

Planes, Trains & Automoblies

I inherited my love of travel from 2 people...my mother & my Aunt Lynda. I remember at various times in my childhood, my mother expressing a desire to "see America". She used to talk of renting an RV, before the passing of my grandparents, & taking all of us (including Nanie & Grandpa) on the grand adventure of seeing our great country. Then there was my very "trendy" aunt from Chicago who became an Airline Stewardess (now we know that profession by the PC term Flight Attendant) back in the glamorous days of travel. For many years that was "what I wanted to be when I grew up" because of the many benefits of flying for free. Soooo, here I am (and we've already established that I'm grown up) with that same inner bug to travel. And not so much just for myself (my heart always hears Europe calling), but a desire to give the gift of travel to my children. Dan has a much more practical outlook, "Why see another country when you haven't first discovered your own?" I didn't have a good answer, so for now the only stamps in my passport are the ones I get watching "House Hunters International". Instead, I started mapping out "Road Trips" to get in as many states as possible during these last years available with the kids. "Available?" you may be thinking, "Your kids are young!" Yes, they are, but time to travel seems to be slipping away from our calendar years and instead filling with things like sports & friends. Don't get me wrong...loooove sports & totally get the social adolescent years...I guess I just want to go for it before high school life kicks in:) My resources include Our 50 States by Lynn Cheney, Top 10 Places to visit, The Food Network website (TripleD, Giada's Getaways, Chef vs City & The Road Tasted) & our own family history. We'd only checked off California & Oregon until last Christmas, when the gift to our kids was luggage with an airline ticket to Chicago inside. The look on their faces was priceless...our trip an amazing success...so begins our adventure to Discover America!

Mission Impossible

Your mission,should you choose to accept..."Train up a child in the way he should go & when he is old he will not depart from it" Prov.22:6, in other words...Motherhood! "Yes!" we say without hesitation. Since the beginning of time women have embraced this honorable role & relished in this ministry. I have tried, in the more recent years to see my family as not just a duty, but my pre-imminent ministry & put them before my other personal endeavors. The reality of that goal is not always the case because let's face it...sometimes it's easier & more enjoyable to serve anyone but your own family. BUT switching my perspective to a Mission Field (which we are doing this summer by looking how the Great Commission includes very practical & somewhat overlooked locations) helps me be mindful that this is work...work that will in due time produce a glorious harvest. We've just survived the baby/toddler years (we are exhausted, somewhat spiritually dry from missing fellowship as a result of the ever appearing runny nose, with the exception of a few, lacking in personal style & missing some brain power-I always think "I used to be smart?") We keep hearing "Oh, just wait for those latter teen years." Our brains can't even go there yet because we are in the Here & Now... the Trenches I call it...AKA our Mission Field! It's a place where I have no furlough, no increase of attendance, and (because I'm a woman)constant comparisons of other missionaries who are doing things differently than I am. It's daunting! I think we can all agree that the reality of raising up this next generation is very different than the way we pictured or imagined it before we had children. Yet I'm sure we all have the same goal, that our children would "grow in grace & knowledge of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ" II Peter 3:18. I am always struggling to find the balance between teaching them a "works based motivation for living" because your house has to have rules & a "love/grace relationship" with the Father who is waiting for them to just COME-minus the finger pointing which I tend to do. I have to remind myself that they are trying to work out their salvation also, BUT with their age brain & experience. Oh, how we need to be in prayer for their salvation & prayer to properly represent the Lord to our kids! I have been stretched, exhorted, & humbled by my children. I do things that I swore I would never do, like yell or freak out on my kids. I know I love my children, but I struggle with the "like" part. Some kids are just more difficult to raise than others, not worse just different. To which my mother reminds me that the Lord gave each one of us our specific children because they needed us, with all our quirks, faults & strengths, as their mother to point them to Christ. We can't do it in & of ourselves, "it's by My Spirit says the Lord" Zech 4:6 and when we don't have the answers (which is often) we need to go back to what we know...the Word. Deut 6:4-9 I view as our directive. "Here, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, & with all your might. And these words which I command you shall be in your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, & when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, & they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house & on your gates." How that plays out for each of us will be different. Oh, how we need prayer to be faithful to the call on our house & our children! This mission field is also crazy-busy...our day it seems is filled with morning routines, school, homework, sports/activities, dinner & evening routines...add a pet, some kid's friend drama, discipline, work, & church...and whoa! Then get up & do it all again:) We need to make sure that we don't get so wrapped up in our kids schedules or our extra ministries that we overlook our husbands. "Marriage is honorable among all" Heb 13:14a & the world says otherwise. I've seen in the past & present, divorce creep in during these school years because of unintentional drifting apart. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is a healthy marriage, because it mirrors Christ's relationship with the church. Oh, how we need prayer to be faithful to our marriage! One of the things I love is when women, especially the ones who have gone before us, share with each other their true struggles & needs and then PRAY for each other...authentic fellowship. It breaks down barriers & perceptions and gets us off our "Pity Party Island". Let's face it, none of us have it all together...that's just an "OC Legend". Oh, how we need to stop being afraid of asking for prayer...it's our greatest weapon! I am a constantly humbled mother of three...saved by GRACE. When it comes to mothering school age kids, "I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Ps 27:13. I'm still living, God is faithful, & His Words are true. Sooo I accept & go forth a M. O. M. with a refreshed perspective... a Mom On a Mission!

I Am My Mother

So here I am, the grand old age of 36 & I am officially my mother. I've seen it coming. There have been signs, but I along with my husband have been in denial. I mean really, does anyone ever want to A: grow up or B: become their parents? It was 2 years ago, walking down the halls of MCA to register my kids, when it first hit me. I was walking down the same hall, working in the same office & my kids were the same ages-my mom was just here twenty-something years ago-very surreal! Then there's the occasional "I rebuke that in the name of Jesus" when my kids are just spouting off at the mouth. The minute I say it (so naturally I might add) I think of my mom. She always tells it like it is & I find myself doing the same. I'm still determined to be more steadfast then my kids...I do get weary, but then there's mom's voice saying, "the Lord gave you those children with their personalities because He knew they needed you as a mother the same way He gave me you!" I love being reminded & being retold stories about my colorful childhood. You're probably wondering...the garden photo? Well, I remember my mom saying, "Every child should grow their own vegetables." We attempted it in our GG home during my elementary years-fond memories! So here I am, ironically with children who are pickier than me, attempting to "grow my own vegetables". We've got strawberries, melons, pumpkins, sunflowers, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, zucchini & spinach (corn, sugar snap peas & 2 dwarf fruit trees are elsewhere in the yard). Granted I'm probably growing it all at the wrong time, BUT this is an experiment:) What I realized through all this "growing" is how much my mom "sowed" into our lives. So, my prayer is that I do the same for my kids. Some seed may scatter by the wayside, some may fall on tough soil, but some may take root and grow slowly for twenty-something years before they sprout. I hope she is enjoying the fruit of her labor. I have been blessed with a mom who loves my dad, loves us, but loves the Lord more. Sooooo... I think I'm finally okay with becoming her in my own unique way!

Slug Bug Green

So here it is...our very own '66 VW Bug. Who knew life would come full circle? Dan's first car was a bug. A little beat up, painted rims, could see the asphalt when you looked down & eventually stolen for parts BUT a Bug nonetheless. More importantly, it had an owner with the vision to fix it up. My first car was a Bug also. White convertible with black top (great for blasting early 90's rap-Yikes & U2) which basically turned into a carpool vehicle for my sisters & friends. When I met Dan, he informed me (after our relationship was secure) that my Bug was a horrible year & didn't really count from a vintage stand point. I have to say after some VW education, I agree. 1979...My Bug's identity was a little conflicted:) Needless to say, here we are now, the proud owners of a classic...wooden rack and all! It has been our second family car for a little over 4 years. It's fun to cruise around in. We have enjoyed date nights cruising down to Pedro's Tacos, day trips on PCH & the ever popular evening at Balboa (kids favorite & we always fit into a parking spot). I especially love how traffic just politely understands. It's as if everyone on the road acknowledges, "Hey, we know you were made for cruising, that you have a limited speed & therefore we will put aside our impatient & rushed driving skills and just... go around you. We might even glance over & smile." Now, I never get that reaction in the Sub (little insight into OC living) It serves us well, our little daily driver. It was possibly up for a promotion when the Sub died...thankfully it was resurrected, so that pressure was removed. BUT it's gotta last because the boys have dibs on it for when they can drive. Olivia wants to drive one too, except hers has to be "rainbow sparkle"-double Yikes! Sooo... Slug Bug Green! The game lives on...